Edenic by Radrook: Reviews Included

by Radrook

December 31, 2017 Poetry: Narrative, Dramatic 3 comments (3 reviews)

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     Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.

     The first thing I have to say about this poem is that I adored your edenic word choice and I loved reading through all of the vivid imagery. This poem is the tale of Adam and Eve, but is it not symbolic for something else? This is not just a retelling of the Christian creation story, it is something more. Am I mistaken in believing that this poem is a reference to your own life and this it is using symbolism to tell a bigger story?

     Perhaps this story is about a man infatuated with a woman. He would do anything for her, and when it comes time to do that anything, he does not back down or try to get out of it. Though he knows it is wrong, he does it anyway for her love and he pays the price for it.

     That's all for today. Keep writing amazing literature that inspires me to read and review them, and have a great Review Day! Let's beat the Blues once and for all!

     ~ZeldaIsShiek


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Radrook says...

     Thanks for the review. I wrote it as a reference to how Adam must have felt after the Fall when he began to realize the disaster he had brought upon himself and his descendants. The horror of how his body was slowly deteriorating must have been very sobering. the responsibility of having this condition be part of his legacy a very bitter burden. I imagined that he might have had second thoughts concerning his motive.

     Eve also probably regretted her choice as time went on and she had to bear children in great physical pain and observe how one of her sons murdered the other. Also on how her great beauty began to tarnish as the years wet by. I wasn't thinking about myself when I wrote it. Of course that doesn't mean that somewhere in my subconscious there were not links to situations that I had experienced involving women that I had known and that analogy could not be made. The mind works that way in the artistic area and sometimes if we ponder deeply enough on what we've just written we very well might discover links to certain events in our lives which correspond perfectly to what we have written.

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     ZeldaIsSheik says...
     
     Thank you for replying! I may have gone a little too deep this time.

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     Once again, buenos tardes Radrook!

     I really enjoyed the content of this work. As a girl raised Christian from birth, the story of Adam and Eve is a familiar one. However, no matter how many times I've heard it or discussed it, I don't think I've ever paid heed to the possible though, feelings, or emotions of Adam.

     When the story of Adam and Eve is brought to light, we usually focus on Eve's folly and how it brought the downfall of Adam and of all future generations. With that in mind, I like the perspective you came from; you humanized Adam in a way I've never considered.


     Although I've never in past posts contradicted other writers in their reviews, I must contest MaramMk in their statement concerning how common this topic is. While the story itself is well known, how often do we see the personal side of the story? Usually we focus on the Eve's downfall parts, or the way God kicked them out of Eden.
I personally love your writing style, and how you executed this particular topic.
Keep writing as only you can,
Autopilot

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Radrook says...


     Buenas tardes y muchas gracias por tu comentario positivo. Me alegra saber que te gusto la perspectiva del poema desde el punto de vista de Adan. Adan era la cabeza de la familia humana y su pecado no fue porque el fue enganado. Por eso se dice que el pecado viene por medio de el. En contraste, Eva si fue enganada por la serpiente o Statnas que uso la serpiente como un titere.
Naturalmente que yo como hombre me pongo en el lugar de Adan estando solo y de momento encontrarme con una creatura tan hermosa que Dios me dice ser mi esposa, Su alegria fue tan grande que lo inspiro a hablar poeticamente.
So it was based on that understanding that I write this poem many years ago. Thanks again for the positive words of encouragement.
Kind Regards Radrook
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AutoPilot says...
saber esto le da a sus palabras un significado un mas especial, estoy muy impresionado con su
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     MaramMk wrote a review...


     Hey! Its MaramMk here for a review... I am writing this review like this only because I have to make my words count as you know we all need it.

So lets talk between the stanzas.
(And when I saw her I was overcome
with happiness and wonderment of all.
She was round where I was flat,
I was large and she was small
and her hair flowed in waves to her hips,
hips much wider than my own,
and praises poured forth from my lips
for this woman my God had bestowed.
And her soft voice was the rustle of leaves
limpid eyes were the whisper of stars
And my God said "Her name will be Eve!"
And husband and wife you now are.)

     By reading this stanza I came to know that you writing about adam and eve. So the forst thought that striked me is oh! So why would I want to know aboit this as I know it from my childhood.
     Suggestion one.
     Though you write on a well known topic make it catchy so that people want to read more. Otherwise they will just have a glance. And as you see there is no other review as people know that reviewing in a topic like this wont bring any good.

(And the foliage all jubilantly swayed
as the beasts of the field came to me
and I gave them all names through the day
and the blessings of plenty were free.
All eternity beckoned us both
As our bodies were vibrant with power
And nothing infused us but hope
And from danger we never had cowered.
But one day while I planted a tree
at the edge of our paradise home
my wife, precious Eve, came to me.
In her hand a forbidden fruit shone.
Neath the rays of a darkening sun
howled the wind from the desert beyond
Then she whispered to me "It is done!
Eat! Come on! Come on!"
In my loins lived a roiling despair
In my heart beat the centuries full
of turmoil but I finally ate, and the air
seemed to give malevolent call.
Now toothless and aged I sit
in the rubble of ages ago.
My progenie just isn't fit.
This I have come to know!)

     At last I wanna say that I enjoyed reading the poem . You gave it an another touch . But this is not enough . Use your imagination to expand the pages add yoir own imaginitve style as you are the creator of this poem .

     Otherwise its a nice poem .
And I will give you a 5 point out of 10 .

     And dont feel bad if I critisized you . . I am not an enemy . I am just a person behind the screen who is typing this review for his good only . But yiu can take this as a key to improvise your writing. I am not a perfect writer too . But don't we learn from each other?

     Feel free to add review on my writings .
Hapoy writing.