Unknowable Motives
Jan 10, 2023 11:15:04 GMT -5
Post by Radrook Admin on Jan 10, 2023 11:15:04 GMT -5
It feel good to be certain doesn't it? No worries about some nasty surprise from the unknown. Certainty is a very tranquilizing thing. No nasty surprises. Yet, in all reality, we can never be 100% sure of what others are thinking, can we? Personal motives vary from person to person and situation to situation. For example, a thief might want to socialize in order to get inside information to make his theft easier. He might cunningly become familiar with the target's schedule so he can attempt it when they aren't there.
So he Gains the unwavering trust of those that he deems crucial to make his theft a success. Meanwhile everyone near him is absolutely certain that they know him. Might even consider him a very noble person.
Another might want to socialize because it enhances his chances for job promotion. So he becomes friendly with the boss or the boss's family although he holds them in extremely low esteem.
Others might be friendly because of fear. Fear of getting beaten up at school. Fear of being targeted by Gestapo agents. Fear of losing a job.
This inability to know for certain what other people's motives are might lead us to help in ways that cause emotional suffering. For example, I once opened the door for this woman on crutches and she shouted that she could do it herself. My attempt to be helpful aroused feelings of inadequacy which she deeply resented. I realized this later and felt badly about not having had the insight needed to avoid hurting her feelings.
That's why regardless of our good intentions, we have to be very careful lest we make someone uncomfortable unintentionally. For example, as a child in grade school, I was assigned a part in a stage play which involved dancing a waltz to the song "As the Band Played On". The teacher assigned me to dance with the prettiest girl in the class on whom I had a very strong crush. It was to be in front of an auditorium full of visiting parents. That was a huge mistake. You see, contrary to her expectations, instead of feeling glad, I panicked. Why? Simple! Because I was an introvert and didn't want to be the center of attention.
Of course, the teacher had taken it for granted that I would be overjoyed. Probably had spied me looking longingly at the pretty Italian girl named Elaine during regular classes. But I wasn't glad at all. Instead, as the day grew near, I began feeling more and more like a cornered animal, forced to flee in order to avoid the extreme anxiety that being the center of attention was threatening to inflict. So I bailed out. The teacher was utterly surprised and the the girl of my dreams hated my guts because she considered it a rebuff. Far from true. I liked her very much. I just didn't want to be in front of an audience dancing.
So since we can't read minds, unfortunately, we will annoy others with our attempts to socialize with them.