I Am

     The following composition is focused on that eternal, or self-existence part of the meaning of his name and the unsearchableness of his years mentioned in Job 36: 26. It is written in the first person singular as if God himself were the one talking to us. It is based on one possibility, and not intended to be understood as an irrefutable description of how things really are. After all, only God himself is capable of knowing that. That's why it is classified as fiction, since I am not claiming to be some inspired conduit by which God communicates such profound truths to humans. As to worship, I personally would still worship him even if his knowledge did not include an understanding of his own existence in the way described. His worthiness to be worshipped is based on far more important things than that.

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      I am that I am. Thus I revealed myself to Moses on Mount Sinai prior to liberating Israel from Egyptian captivity, because my nature is to be the uncaused cause-the source of all that exists besides myself. Dwelling within this heavenly realm that I created to serve as my abode, I often ponder the paradox of my eternalness, and have repeatedly employed infinite power to probe deeply back into the past eons searching for any emergence of perception, probing for any sudden inexplicable instant of sudden consciousness, that momentous moment that I became, the I AM, but I never succeed in finding it.

I have forced the interminable eons of temporal existence back to times far before the creation of your Earth, even far before the creation of your material universe, and even far before the creation of this spiritual heaven wherein I dwell and before the creation of all the angelic creatures within it, the Cherubim, the Seraphims, the Arch Angel, and even before the creation of my Son, The Word, whom you know as Jesus. But regardless of how deeply I probe into the past, there are always more ages before them, and before those, million upon millions more rapidly emerge, and memories unreel in an endless array of recalled perceptions.

Occasionally, during these efforts, I detain the backward temporal regression to carefully examine what those moments entailed, then I resume, probing for a beginning, but I never find it. It is then that I confirm once more what I had known all along. That as perplexing as it might be, I have always been what I Am, because I Am, the I Am.

Yes, somewhere, along that infinite continuum that comprises my existence, I chose to interrupt my solitary existence by creating others similar to myself-reasoning entities able to ponder and to decide. But why had I not decided to to create them sooner? Why had I calmly allowed infinite eternities to transpire before my decision to grant others what I, and only I alone possessed, and that only I could pass on to others, life and the ability to feel and to reason? I also have often pondered that very question and found it to be meaningless, because time is merely an illusion.

That seemingly ancient moment of creation, is actually this very same moment itself-the ever-present and eternal now, which has never transpired, and never will. Those endless billions of years that that appear to pass, are merely an imposed artificial segmentation of this eternally ever-present now, superimposed upon its eternal canvass, by a mind that demands order.

Past, the present, and future are merely ephemeral unrealities, convenient illusions of temporal linear motion based on perceptions, such as thoughts and other events, which appear to flitter across its ever-present canvas of the present moment’s eternity. I myself exist within that ever-present eternal moment, but that I am vastly different, because I am as eternal as that very moment itself. We are inseparable. Thus, I Am! That I Am!

Very true! My infinite ruminations within that eternal moment appear to display a past and future. The myriads of sequential thoughts were my present and future and past. Yet, I always ponder: Why not a total nothingness instead of this eternal me? Why is there no other entity, or other entities such as myself? Why am I , and I alone, the I Am? Why is there this logical necessity of an emergence into in order to exist, except for me? From whence did I derive this almightiness, and this vast knowledge never bestowed nor ever learned? If I have indeed never emerged, as the evidence seems to show, then how is it that I Am?

True, I am aware that there cannot be another or others identical to myself, because I Am the cause of all things that exist besides myself. Yes, I have thoroughly searched the vast realms of entire reality that I myself created, those myriads of dimensions and regions that I have brought into being, including those regions far beyond the expansion of your tiny universe, and have never detected another such as I Am, because I created no other.

No, the created entities, such as those located within my material universe, those you might call aliens or extraterrestrials, and those creatures that I designed to reside in the spirit, or heavenly realm, such as angels, cherubim, seraphim and my only begotten Son, cannot provide me with an answer to this ever- present conundrum.

True, I have inspired those on Earth, and on other worlds and dimensions, to write about my almightiness, infinite wisdom and immortal eternalness. Why? Because they are true. Yet, as to why I Am and have always been the I Am, without any traceable beginning, I cannot offer a satisfactory explanation.

Are you shocked by this revelation? Did you anticipate infinitely more? Did you prefer or yearn to witness a fascinating meticulously detailed unravelling of this perplexing conundrum, a thorough explanation to this mystery once you had been glorified to be at my side in this heavenly realm following your death? No, I have no explanation to offer you, my son. Only that things concerning my essence are as they are, because they simply are. Understandably, that will not satisfy those who desperately seek a definitive answer, just as it does not satisfy me. But there is no other alternative.

     Neither will I ever feign to know the answer to such paradoxically profound mystery that my own eternal existence poses, when I simply do not. That would be falsehood, a blatant lie, and I cannot lie-not even to myself in order to assuage my profound concerns, and to attempt to pacify my insatiable desire to fathom the answer.

     Will those glorified, resurrected humans whom I admit into my heavenly realm, lose faith when they discover that I do not possess an explanation? When they suddenly realize that my omniscience is not illimitable as they had always confidently assumed? Will they then stubbornly refuse to worship me and to do as I request? Will they abandon their love for me, and choose to go their own way, as Adam and Eve did? As always, that is entirely up to them. I can only be as I AM, and nothing more, nor anything less. I can only respond as I must respond, and in no other manner. This is who I am, because I Am. That I Am.