The Pronouners
Nov 29, 2022 8:05:59 GMT -5
Post by Radrook Admin on Nov 29, 2022 8:05:59 GMT -5
The Pronouners
by Radrook
Initially, we took it as a mere misunderstanding that could soon be resolved by our interplanetary linguists.. After all, we do often misunderstand people who speak different Earth languages, so how much more could we expect from a totally alien extraterrestrial species? But there was a vast difference.
In the human-to-human case, cultural differences were the cause. But this appeared to be species related. After many attempts to communicate, we began to suspect that it was instinctual. After all other extra-terrestrials varied in how strongly instinct affected their behavior. We had also discovered perceptual differences since their neural wiring was different. What might be perceived as cold to us might be perceived as hot to them, or else induce no response at all. Things that appeared round or spherical to us might appear square or oval to others. Alien compound Arachnid eyes, for example, resulted in visual perception differences involving a multiplicity of images while we are restricted to one. So we took these into serious consideration when we encountered this pronoun-restricted communication anomaly.
Yet, despite meticulous physical examinations, we found virtually no neurological distinctions between us, and that deepened the mystery, and no logical correlation between our concepts and theirs apart from the pronouns could not be found. Naturally, we wanted to establish trade. After all, they were humanoid like us, tending to indicate perhaps some mysterious distant kinship. Yet, our brief encounters were restricted to staring at one another with baffled expressions on our faces.
To questions about their home world, they would respond with: “Mine!”
To questions about their history, they would respond with: “Ours!”
About their culture and they would emphatically say: “We”
About the purpose for their arrival, they would utter: “Us”
All animals, regardless of species, were referred to as “ they or them”. Their habitats were called “Theirs”.
Then, at the end of each effort to communicate, the aliens would sometimes utter a diversity of guttural clicking sounds accompanied by wild gesticulations of their blue hands and exaggerated grimaces of their blue faces before they silently sauntered away back to their ship that they had landed in New York City’s Central Park.
Finally, under the general stress caused by our utter frustration, a meeting of world scientists was scheduled in order to discuss the matter.
“How did these imbeciles ever manage to develop a technology capable of space travel of this magnitude is the real question!” the Chairman of the Board of Scientists said to his scientist audience as he spoke from the lecture hall’s podium .
“That’s similar to having found a monkey in outer space who had developed the same tech while being only capable of grunts and howls.” The scientist audience laughed at the comparison although they knew that it made perfect sense
“Perhaps some here are thinking that I am being too judgmental? Or that we are reaching conclusions about these humanoids before delving more deeply into the matter. But I assure you, such is not the case.
Please note the translators detect absolutely no subtle undertones or overtones that would add the needed complexities necessary for them to convey the fine nuances essential to create such an elaborate society. In short, gentlemen, we are stumped. So the question is, what do we do next? They are obviously in possession of technologies that we can use. Yet, we can’t seem to get them to cooperate. We’d like to establish a commercial relationship resulting in mutual benefit, yet nothing can be accomplished without some kind of mutual understanding. We certainly don’t want to provoke their animosity, since we don’t know what their military potential is. In fact, some have suggested that they are trying to lure us into a belligerent act out of frustration so they can annhilate us with a good conscience. Since we don’t know anything at all about their cultural values, this might very well be a possibility.
The degree to which they are understanding us or not, is yet another problematic matter. Yes, they smile and make guttural gurgling sounds in unison after listening to our attempts to communicate, but what exactly it all means-we have absolutely no idea. They could be laughter, curses, insults, or blessings. Or these sounds might mean absolutely nothing more than that they are totally insane and we are wasting our precious time. Some have even suggested that these aliens are not really the ones who designed and built these interstellar ships that brought them here. That they were maliciously placed in them by an alien civilization who suffers from the urgent need to play practical jokes on others, and that unfortunately, we are its latest victim.”
“Excuse me for interrupting the lecture Chairman, but I think that as a representative of Earth Military Security Forces, something needs to be said about the risk that these pestiferous Aliens represent.” the General said,
“You may proceed General”
After walking to the podium and standing behind the narrow wooden lectern, the general spoke. He was tall a husky man who had a reputation for being a no-nonsense individual who had little patience for things that he couldn't figure out quickly. He clutched the lectern’s sides with both hands and leaned forward toward the audience of scientists who had suddenly hushed into a total silence. Then in a deep voice that had a slight growling texture, spoke.
“Good Evening! As a military man, I don’t search for nuances, gentlemen. I look for solutions. So regardless of their antics, I personally think that they pose an unnecessary risk and should be forcibly deported right back to their point of origin or told to leave.
After all, it has been a year now since their arrival, and all they do is mope around smiling, gurgling idiotically, using personal pronouns, before going back to their ship. If indeed this is some sort of extraterrestrial joke, as the Chairman just suggested, then their entertainment should be terminated right now!” the general almost shouted into the microphone after slamming the palm if his hand on the lectern and causing the glass of water that had been perched there to go crashing to the floor.
“Had a good laugh at our expense?” he continued, “OK! Fair enough! Let’s give the bastards a round of applause. But now the circus-show is over, and they should take their clowns and go back to whatever illogical, shit-hole they just happened to emerge from. That is my suggestion, Chairman, and this point of view is shared by leaders of all Earth’s military branches.”
The entire assemblage of scientists burst out in a unanimous, thunderous, applause and some even cheered.
“Risking an interplanetary war over a practical joke general?” the chairman asked calmly. He hadn’t expected the meeting to be turned into this.
“The practical joke, as you choose to call it, could be a ruse, a cunning distraction, Mr. Chairman,” the general responded while holding the Chairman in and eagle-like predatory gaze.
“They might be cleverly gathering crucial information, probing for weaknesses, so that when they truly reveal whom they really are, we will be at a serious military disadvantage! Is that what we are waiting for? Is it?”
At that moment, three aliens, who had been standing in a shadows undetected in the back of the hall suddenly emerged and chanted the following pronouns in unison.
“He! His! Mine! Ours! Theirs! Me! She! It!” followed by their usual gurgling sounds.
“Speak right you bastards!” the general suddenly shouted, drew his Beretta 92F semi-automatic pistol, and fired eight earsplitting rounds over the heads of the audience in the aliens 'direction.
“One damned round for each pronoun!” he roared as he dropped to one knee, and took aim.
Whereupon the aliens immediately dropped to the floor, began to thrash about like fish out of water whilst speaking perfect, English, Spanish, Esperanto and Swahili.
From that point onward, exo-planetary, interspecies communication proved to be no problem at all.
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I
we
you (singular and plural)
he
she
it
they
I
You
She
He
They
me
us
you (singular and plural)
her
him
it
them
Object pronoun examples
They offered me a ride. ("Me" is the object of the verb "offered.")
This letter is addressed to me. ("Me" is the object of the preposition "to.")
They gave us free tickets to the show. ("Us" is the object of the verb "gave.")
3. Possessive Pronouns
A possessive pronoun designates ownership and can substitute for noun phrases.
mine
ours
yours (singular and plural)
hers
his
theirs
mine.
hers.
theirs.
my
our
your
her
his
their
myself
yourself
herself
himself
itself
ourselves
yourselves
themselves
myself
yourself
herself
himself
itself
ourselves
yourselves
themselves
I myself
itself.
themselves
all
another
any
anybody
anyone
anything
both
each
either
everybody
everyone
everything
few
many
most
neither
nobody
none
no one
nothing
one
other
others
several
some
somebody
someone
something
such
Both
No one
such
that
these
this
those
these.
that?
Such
what
whatever
which
whichever
who
whoever
whom
whomever
whose
Who
Which
whatever
as
that
what
whatever
which
whichever
who
whoever
whom
whomever
whose
whatever .
thou
thee
thy
thine
ye
Thou .
thee
Thy
thine
another
any
anybody
anyone
anything
as
aught
both
each
each other
either
enough
everybody
everyone
everything
few
he
her
hers
herself
him
himself
his
I
idem
it
its
itself
many
me
mine
most
my
myself
naught
neither
no one
nobody
none
nothing
nought
one
one another
other
others
ought
our
ours
ourself
ourselves
several
she
some
somebody
someone
something
somewhat
such
suchlike
that
thee
their
theirs
theirself
theirselves
them
themself
themselves
there
these
they
thine
this
those
thou
thy
thyself
us
we
what
whatever
whatnot
whatsoever
whence
where
whereby
wherefrom
wherein
whereinto
whereof
whereon
wherever
wheresoever
whereto
whereunto
wherewith
wherewithal
whether
which
whichever
whichsoever
who
whoever
whom
whomever
whomso
whomsoever
whose
whosever
whosesoever
whoso
whosoever
ye
yon
yonder
you
your
yours
yourself
yourselves
www.thefreedictionary.com/List-of-pronouns.htm