The Saga of Generalissimo Wilfredo El Cahon de la Vega
Nov 27, 2022 17:18:16 GMT -5
Post by Radrook Admin on Nov 27, 2022 17:18:16 GMT -5
The Saga of Generalissimo Wilfredo El Cahon de la Vega
It was a sunny day with clear blue skies when Generalissimo Wilfredo El Cajon de La Vega's small army finally reached its destination after a forced march of five hundred miles from the coast to the valley located in the country's interior. Strangely, after years of frustrating failures, when his army had been on the verge of an illustrious victory, Generalissimo Wilfredo El Cajon de La Vega, had allowed the enemy to escape and had marched his army day and night through torrential downpour and a vast desserts just to reach this destination.
The gaunt and starved men had begged him for rest, but had been ordered to make ready for a devastating attack. No, that attack was not against a dangerous military enemy, but against a church-building located in the general’s home town of Cornavaca, nestled in a verdant valley between two low grass-covered hills.
When asked why, his response was:
“I have my good reasons!”
If any soldier or officer dared to protest the march in his presence, he was immediately executed. So those who marched did so morosely and in a resentful silence. Unfortunately, such a callous policy does have a price. By the time he had arrived, half his army had deserted, while others were on the verge of rebellion.
Furthermore, his officers could make no sense of it. The enemy was in the other direction on the coast of what would later be known as Brazil. Yet, inexplicably, he had ignored their vulnerable condition and directed a forced march towards that seemingly insignificant location the small town of Corrna Vaca.
Once there, he immediately deployed every single cannon he could muster from all the near and far-flung provinces he had managed to annex during his previous five illustrious years of military career, and carefully positioned them upon the highest hill overlooking the small venerable, totally undefended town. Then, after ascertaining with meticulous, almost fanatical care, that all other edifices in the town's vicinity would remain totally unscathed from the concentrated barrage, he proceeded calmly to give the infamously dastardly order for the cannonade on the village church of San Vicente's Cathedral to commence.
Soldiers refusing his order were shot until he found those who were much more amenable and who seemed to even enjoy demolition of any religious structure. Such men grinned as they opened fire, and cheered along with the seemingly crazed general whenever the small church suffered a direct hit. Parishioners who had been reverently heading its way with Bibles in hand about to start a Sunday service, scattered in all directions, and the village priest, who had been riding a small donkey, spurred it into a hasty retreat back to his luxurious hacienda.
When the thunderous cannonade finally ceased for lack of ammunition, it had resulted in the complete demolition of San Vicentes Cathedral which had been a national historical monument from the time that the town had been founded by the conquistadores.
The devastating cannonade had commenced exactly at 12 noon in the year 1520 of our Lord, and ended a full twenty minutes later, leaving, the town cathedral, a smoldering ruin. Meanwhile, Generalissimo Wilfredo El Cahon de La Vega, had stood hands clasped behind his back, with a sunlit glint in his glass eye, and a broad smile of infinite satisfaction on his deeply tanned, mestizo face.
But of course, as with everything else that baffles, there was a reason for this seeming madness. You see, many years before, the Church priest, Reverendo Eusebio De Los Santos, had purposefully singled out the young Wilfredo El Cajon De La Vega, and had repeatedly declared in a resonant stentorian voice, that the young man would never amount to anything, and that the young lady he was courting, the voluptuous Asuncion Verdacia, was in danger of ruining her precious life if she accepted his recent proposal for marriage.
Asuncion took the priest's advice to heart, and totally rejected Wilfredo El Cajon de la Vega's proposal by greeting his serenade below her window balcony, with a pail-full of putrid urine which the priest had gladly provided her with for that specific purpose. El Cajon, for short, never forgave the Parish priest for it, nor the parishioners, who found the whole thing hilariously funny, and who would laugh openly whenever they encountered the young El Cajon in public or else whenever he entered the church. Therefore the reason for the cannonade.
But El Cajon's satisfaction after the cannonade was short-lived. Once his men deserted him, and his enemies had been allowed to regain their military strength, he was immediately replaced as general by an infuriated Presidente Ignacio Obregon el Sagal, who put a price on his head for what he considered to be treason. Rumors spread that El Cahon had been seen in the service of the enemy, and had received a payment for ordering a retreat when he should have attacked. A bounty of a thousand pesos was placed on his head, and he was forced to flee deep into the Amazon rain-forest in order to escape execution.
For a while, El Cahon felt safe. But he did not count on the determination of the infuriated, and relentlessly unforgiving members of the cannonaded church. These vengeful, and emotionally-traumatized parishioners, spared no expense as they hunted him down since they were whipped into a frenzy by the infuriated town priest, Reverendo Eusebio Molinas de Los Santos, who had organized peasant-resistance, and who had formally sentenced Generalissimo Wilfredo El Cahon De la Vega, to be unceremoniously hung by his toes from the tallest Ceiba tree in the village square when captured.
Once he had been caught, the sentence was swiftly and zealously carried out by the hirsute town butcher, Ignacio Obregon, using his finely-honed machete that he regularly employed to slaughter swine as the parish priest uttered several Hail-Maries along with the rest of the parishioners-including the recently-widowed Asuncion Verdacia who had lost her young husband during El Cahon's recent cannonade.
After el Cahon's execution, the parish faithful dedicated their time and resources to building a far prettier and larger church, where they resumed worshiping under the guidance of Reverendo Eusebio Molina de Los Santos, who had very compassionately and mercifully taken on the aggrieved, but still voluptuous, Assuncuion Verdacia as his beloved and consecrated concubine.