The Molluskian Maiden in Estrus

    Blinking her thick, two-inch long, purple eyelashes as slowly as possible, and languidly rolling her deep-red, dinner-plate-sized eyes, the Moluskian maiden of the planet Qaurs [who just happened to have been in estrus] had repeatedly attempted to catch the Earthman ambassador's amorous attention. But all she ever elicited in return was either a look of utter disdain, or else one of complete repugnance tinged with a look of insulting panic on his gaunt, insolent, Earthman face..

    You see, despite his bitter isolation, the ambassador preferred to keep to himself. Not that he was anti-social, otherwise he wouldn't have qualified for the ambassadorial job, only that he had found the physical differences between humans and Quarians, who were mollusk-like creatures, too extreme to overcome for intimacy purposes, and had chosen the sanity of solitude.

     So he deemed the Moluskian Maiden’s constant romantic overtures as a mere annoyance to be ignored. But ignoring them wasn't easy. She was seemingly everywhere: outside his window purring like a kitten all night, as if expecting it to somehow affect his libido, following him all day at a distance and peeking out around corners, as if it would somehow tweak his interest. She would also generously spray her Molluskian female scent all over his doorstep, as if she expected it to incite some instinctual irresistible urge.

     Strange how she seemed to have been totally unaware of their extreme species difference. Or was she perhaps insane? His superiors back on Earth had advised him, via subspace communications, to officially present the problem before Quar Council. But the Moluskian members of the council had only gazed at him in dead silence, as if he were somehow out if his mind for finding the Quarian maiden’s estrus-driven behavior annoying.

     “She is considered the most beautiful of our females! She is also royalty. You are being bestowed a great honor indeed-Earthman,” was the only response he received before the intense staring session was solemnly pronounced over, and he was hurriedly ushered out.

     It was then that he finally decided to confront the Quarian Maiden personally and to make it absolutely clear, that what she had in mind, was a total impossibility. He had given the written message to one of her servants who always tagged along. In it, he requested that she visit his abode that evening in order to resolve a matter of great importance.

     At the appointed hour, she arrived decked in purple and white Quarian flowers and draped in an iridescent garb which totaly concereled her molluskian form, and hid her slithering mode of locomotion. That made her appear as if she were floating effortlessly over any surface she traversed.

“Please come in,” he said via his interspecies translator while trying to hide his disgust behind a well-practiced, wide, diplomatical smile.

     “I knew it! I always knew within my three fluttering hearts that you would eventually summon me to your abode.” she responded in a soft musical harp-like voice that seemed completely out of place for such a corpulently hefty creature.

     “Yes, well, I’m glad you came. It’s a matter of great importance to me.”

     “As it is to me as well, my love,” she responded via her own interspecies translator that dangled from a titanium chain around her thick neck. She rolled her dish-sized orbs coquettishly while reaching out and touching his arm with one of her purple tentacles. Instinctively he recoiled, but she didn’t seem either to mind or take notice. Instead, she seemed to have been swooning in some kind of delirious fantasy-induced ecstasy while making soft gurgling sounds deep within her smooth, purple, breastless chest.

     Feeling suddenly that he was being misunderstood, the ambassador decided it was urgent to get to the point immediately;

     “Excuse me, your purity, [That formality was required when one addressed a Moluskian virgin in estrus.] but I think you are totally misunderstanding my intentions in asking you to come here!”

    “There is no need for explanations ambassador,” she uttered softly and shyly, “love has no need of such explanation!”

     “Love? Love? What are you talking about?” The ambassador found himself suddenly blurting out impatiently and began pacing the small room from one wall to the other feeling as if he had been caged.

     “Why else would you request my presence in your private quarters if it were not because of honorable intentions motivated by deepest love, ambassador?” Her voice had dropped to the lower registers deeper than any human’s he’d ever heard, and for a split second he had the urge to bolt by hurling himsef head first through one of the small open windows adjacent to his garden. But of course, that would have been highly inappropriate for a man in his official position to do. Ultimately, once the report was received back on Earth, it would get him fired. So he chose another attempt at reasoning with this creature.

     “Why did I request that you visit me? To ask you to stop hounding me. That’s what for,” the ambassador found himself shouting nervously while still frantically eye-balling the narrow rectangular windows as means of escape.

At that moment, the Molluskian Maiden very slowly and gradually opened her three-foot-wide slit of a mouth revealing a thick red tongue and two frontal teeth the size of his hand and emitted a ululating screech which almost shattered both his eardrums.

Immediately two Molluskan guards which she had brought along and had been waiting outside, entered his abode and forcibly led him away on charges of insulting and misleading a Molluskian maidan in estrus at a time when molluskan maidens were most vulnerable, and were to be avoided at all costs. If not-then a forced marriage was the penalty.

The ambassador was allowed to subspace-contact his superiors and was informed that interplanetary relations between Quar and Earth would be drastically negatively affected if he did not go through with the wedding ceremony. In fact, the Quarian ruler had even gravely hinted at a discontinuation of diplomatic communications, and a resumption of territorial disputes if the ambassador refused.

“Are you crazy!” the ambassador shouted.

“No ambassador we are not crazy," his supervisor shouted back.

“Your responsibility at Quar was to maintain good diplomatic relationship. Instead, you have increased the chances of war by providing them with an excuse to resume their provocative solar system border violations. Besides, you really have no choice. Or are you unaware of that as well?”

“No unfortunately I have been informed that if I don’t comply I will be executed. But I, of course, assumed that with your intervention--”

“Our powers are extremely limited ambassador! Do you know how much tax money would be needed to launch an expedition to Quar in order to provide you with Earth legal representation there? Do you also know how long that would take? Six years!”

“So what am I supposed to do?”

“Well, which is worse, marrying her Purity the Moluskian Maiden or getting killed?”

At that point the supervisor heard what he understood to have been a disintegrator blast followed by subspace static, then silence.











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