Any Takers?: By Radrook

     Boris Elton Humphrey is a likable fellow. Doesn't delve into other people's business. In fact, he's considered a hermit of sorts. Never married, though he's viewed as handsome. Of course, he's now in his late seventies, bald, wrinkled like a prune, and his elbows are always thrust back grasshopper-like.

     But hey! His personality makes up for that. After all, he is quite willing to share his material possessions with any woman who might accept him. Of course, his possessions don't amount to much more than a decrepit cot and some second-hand clothing and books, but that should be no problem for a gal who values sincerity over material things.

     Furthermore, Boris is certainly sincere. He will tell the gal right off that he has false teeth and a chronic, incurable halitosis to go with them that's capable of wilting flowers. So no surprises there. He also will confidently and honestly reveal that he is double-groin herniated and unable to hoist heavy groceries lest he wind up in ER with entangled intestines. But hey! Any gal with a sturdy back will not mind at all. In fact, it might appeal to her as-yet-unexpressed maternal instincts.

     Additionally, Boris is also very forthright about how he feels. True, part of it is due to his Tourrets tendency to shout out obscenities at full blast in public. But if one listens carefully, one will note that he whispers profound truths between each obscenity which makes putting up with it very worthwhile for the woman who is seeking an educated, philosophically-inclined gent.

     True, his posture isn't the ideal and some might consider him as hunchbacked as Notre Dame. However, when viewed from certain angles and if shading and the lighting is just right, why, he sometimes might seem almost handsome. Especially if the gal has eyesight problems. Then that shouldn't be a problem at all.

     In short, Boris is the ideal man.

     Any takers?