Post by Radrook Admin on Apr 15, 2020 23:24:14 GMT -5
The Human Dentist VS the Alien Patient
By Radrook
By Radrook
The ten-foot-tall blue-skinned humanoid alien had arrived only recently at the planetary domain humans called Earth. It had only been intended as a brief business trip. But being unfamiliar with Earthian food, he had cracked a tooth while biting into a coconut. The pain had become unbearable so he decided to see an Earthian dentist.
The cab driver who had been driving him to the spaceport suggested a dentist that was family and better yet, was nearby. Not being familiar with the city, the Alien agreed. True, the building was shabby and the narrow stairwell was rather dark and musty, but the throbbing had become worse and he decided not to be choosy.
The Earthian dentist turned out to be a short, elderly, bald white male with a Jewish accent. He greeted the alien with a broad smile, a firm effusive handshake and an unwavering prolonged stare at his triangular crystal-like teeth which temporarily made the alien feel ill at ease.
After taking x-rays of his entire mouth, which was generously studded with sixty-four teeth, the old man calmly announced his diagnosis.
“I am afraid that I will need to pull all your teeth,” he said calmly while still staring thoughtfully at the illuminated x-ray image on his desktop computer screen.
“All my teeth?” the alien responded in a fearful, tremulous, high-pitched voice.
“Yes all of them! The entire sixty-four!” the old man said while glancing at him sideways.
“But, but only one is broken and hurting me, so why must it be all?”
“Are you questioning my medical competency?”
“No, it’s just...”
“Good! Then please let me be the judge of whether or not your teeth need to be pulled and how many need pulling. OK my friend?” the dentist uttered while shaking his bald head in a frustrated way and muttering something softly and impatiently under his breath.
After nervously watching the dentist silently scrutinizing the x-rays, and rapidly scribbling notes on a piece of paper, the alien noticed that there was no evidence of qualifications to deal with aliens of his species anywhere on the office walls as mandated by Galactic Medical Association policy.
“Sir, is it please possible to give me a pain killer and let me return to my planet so a physician familiar with my species can asses the problem?”
The old man turned around and for a brief instant, his facial expression was that of a predatory Earth bird called an eagle. The alien had seen it in documentaries back on his homeworld. He’d seen it swoop down from a clear or clouded Earthian sky towards its living, quavering target far below. He’d observed it repeatedly in documentaries created to familiarize his species with the world they might choose to visit. He remembered how that look had grown even more fearsome as the eagle sunk its long, curved talons into the prey’s body and proceeded to savagely shred it apart with its sharp, curved, yellow beak.
“Certainly, we can do that for you.” the dentist suddenly uttered calmly after his facial expression returned to normal.
“But I wouldn’t recommend it,” he added. “Your teeth are seriously abscessed and if they aren’t extracted immediately, I’m afraid that it might result in your entire jaw having to be removed by an oral surgeon to avoid further serious complications!”
For a moment the Alien almost bolted out the door under the impulse of his survival instincts. He just couldn’t understand how his tooth pain, which had only been an annoyance, could suddenly turn into a life or death issue. Noticing his hesitation, the dentist snatched some yellowed forms from the dusty desk drawer, handed them to him, and said:
“But of course if you insist on leaving my office without letting me execute the urgent procedure, then please just sign these so that you exonerate me and my staff of all blame for whatever happens to you between now and your return home.”
The alien carefully read the document with its long list of horrible consequences. It was hard to believe. There was septic shock, sudden blindness, sudden constriction of cerebral arteries, slow strangulation of intestinal segments and a host of other symptoms that seemed unrelated to his problem. For a moment he was overcome by vertigo and sat back down in examination chair. He was immediately provided with a small plastic cup of cold water.
“Please rinse! The old man said and diligently began preparing the hypodermic and to assemble the other material necessary for tooth extraction as if the alien had agreed to the procedure simply because he had taken a seat.
At that moment, his dental assistant, a grey-haired cadaverously skinny Earthian woman, who also doubled as his wife, entered the room and stood gazing mesmerized at the alien’s teeth. They protruded visibly in a typical overbite of his species so they were easy to see. True, other humans had stared, but she seemed mesmerized; as if she were suddenly witnessing the beatific vision. The alien had never observed such a joyful countenance on any other elderly nor young Earthian woman before.
“Magnificent! Absolutely magnificent!” she stood at the office door entrance exclaiming while holding the palm of her pale, bony wrinkled pale hand firmly against her chest and taking rapid, shallow breaths. Noticing the clumsy impasse, the dentist abruptly interceded:
“This is Gertrude, my wife.” he said, “She will be assisting me with the procedure!”
“But I have not given permission!”
At that old man turned away and slammed the palm of his hand against the top of the decrepit wooden table. In the relative quiet of the small room, it sounded like a shotgun blast had gone off and the alien’s sensitive nervous system reacted by going into full instinct mode characteristic of his species. Before he knew it, he had descended the two-storied, dim, narrow stairwell and was moving down the semi-dark avenue sidewalk at a dead run.
Meanwhile back at the office, the dentist’s wife was berating him for having ruined a chance to harvest the alien’s teeth that were now suddenly selling for a fortune on the black market.