DON'T YOU EVER DARE! sci fi.

    Joseph Finkleton the Third, had been a shy sort of lad during his early years. Approaching females would utterly terrify him. He’d worry about being rejected so much that he'd urinate on himself and ultimately refrain from exerting any effort at all.

      But now that he had reached the ripe age of forty five as a virgin, he was beginning to panic that he would soon die without ever having experienced the vaunted joys of copulation. Having congress, was the term that he’d always use in imitation of his overbearing mother who spoke of it as if it had been some sacred ritual which only the most virtuous were entitled to enjoy.. Only the virtuous!

     He had grown up seeing his father grovel to be allowed access to his mom’s sleeping quarters where she always kept incense candles burning to her extraterrestrial deities. Only occasionally was his dad allowed to enter that sacred inner sanctum only to emerge a few minutes later with bulging, bloodshot eyes and a blanched expression on his face.

  It was weird, but he had accepted it all as the perfectly normal ritual among married couples. Nevertheless, it was this the experience that had turned him extremely gun-shy around humanoid females and now he was running out of precious time.

 Luckily for him, an Earth-like planet in the Sagittarian Galactic Arm of the Milky Way had recently been discovered. It had turned out to be a very pleasant planet with lush vegetation, flowing rivers, and a sun not unlike our own.

     But best of all, it was a planet inhabited by voluptuous blue-skinned females whose only thought, whenever they encountered a male human, seemed to have been copulation. “This!” he thought! was his solution. A place far away from the stifling and moral restrictions of Earth. Somewhere far flung enough, so that his inhibitions would become unfettered and he could finally become a man who had experienced the experience that all men should experience at least once in their short life-copulation.

      He was sure that his dad, may he forever finally rest in peace after having mysteriously expired in his mothers bedroom, would be extremely proud. His mother? Well, he had learned to subsume her somewhere deep in his subconscious where her threatening disapproving stares and incessant bewares would have minimal impact. Yet, it was moments like these that she seemed to emerge suddenly, like some unstoppable juggernaut, with a murderous, reprimanding look on her wizened face which always demanded-"Don’t you dare!"