Review of Poem : agony /////////////////// hope
Mar 28, 2020 10:56:54 GMT -5
Post by Radrook Admin on Mar 28, 2020 10:56:54 GMT -5
Link to Poem
agony /////////////////// hope
www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/SunsetTree/agony--hope-140455?c=647753
agony /////////////////// hope
www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/SunsetTree/agony--hope-140455?c=647753
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem about how hard it might seem sometimes to believe in all the promises that we find in the Bible such as promises of a new world where death will be no more.
The poem focuses on the difficulty of believing in the promise of a resurrection where we might hope to be reunited with people e lost to death. it does a good job in conveying the longing, the doubt sad the bitterness that the reader feels. So if indeed that is its purpose it definitely succeeded in my case.
The visual imagery of the first stanza creates the somber mood by describing a decrepit abandoned church and a cobblestoned road leading to it upon which the mourner kneels in desperation. Spelling God as god, caught my attention because it says something about how the speaker feels about the concept of a biblical God.
Also, the speaker describes himself as a sickened soul which made indicates a belief in a biblical teaching. Made me ponder about exactly how the speaker feels towards religion since it sets op a certain contradiction. On the one had a strong uncertainty about the resurrection and on the other hand what appears to be a reference to an immortal soul.
Also, the speaker describes himself as a sickened soul which made indicates a belief in a biblical teaching. Made me ponder about exactly how the speaker feels towards religion since it sets op a certain contradiction. On the one had a strong uncertainty about the resurrection and on the other hand what appears to be a reference to an immortal soul.
God is described as responding to the speaker's sorrow by describing the need for dying. The process of death is compared to having God step on a person's neck and suffocating him. It seems to describe a god bereft of goodness or benevolence towards mankind and who has a sadistic nature.
The speaker nevertheless tells us that the message he feels he received might have been merely an illusion and that perhaps he is destined to never reunite with those he lost to death. Seems to feel more disposed to doubt than to believe.
The poem itself is skillfully composed using many visual images and demonstrates that the writer has a solid command of language and is very skilled in its usage. The lack of punctuation is a stylistic choice, so there is nothing that I can say since it did not disrupt the flow nor the sense. All in all a very thought-provoking read.
Suggestions
Some expressions are vague:
....to the rain clouds
....beyond the rain clouds
The above made me pause to ponder whether this was on purpose. Did the poet mean that he shouted to the rain clouds or beyond them others? Or did the poet mean to both near and distant rainclouds?
The sun felt nauseous? So the sun is being personified as feeling sick in relation to the situation? Or is the poet saying that the sun nauseates him?