Post by Radrook Admin on Mar 26, 2020 3:52:27 GMT -5
A Peaceful Year: Flash Fiction
by Radrook
December 13, 2017 Short Story: Fantasy, Dramatic 2 comments (2 reviews)
The year 2025 had almost gone by uneventfully. In fact, many were astounded at just how peaceful it had been until then. The Middle East had somehow simmered down. North Korea seemed to have mellowed. It truly felt as if a new era of international stability and brotherhood were about to be ushered in. Unfortunately, it turned out to have been the calm before the storm.
The announcement that a missile had been hastily launched and the destruction of a non-threatening aircraft and that ten lives had been lost soon aroused the world from its peaceful lethargy. The shocking news of the disaster was all over the TV networks as soon as it occurred. An investigation was ordered within twenty-four hours and those responsible had been assembled in order to be questioned.
Meanwhile, a somber, almost unbearable grief had descended on societies all over the world. The gravity of the situation could be seen in the way those accused of being responsible were treated.
No sooner had he entered the interrogation room where the responsible missile-combat-crew of four were was seated, than the interrogator’s seething anger burst forth.
“Ok who did it? Who was the imbecile responsible for launching that ICBM?"
There was no immediate response from the crew members, only downcast faces as if a horrendous mistake had been committed.
“Don’t think that silence will help you get away with it because I will get to the bottom of this, one way or the other, even if I have to use Guantanamo methods! So it’s best that you come clean,” the Tactical Action Officer said as he paced the room in front of the missile-launch combat crew responsible.
“Sir, there was no way of knowing what was exactly involved,” Macmillan, the senior officer present responded. “The radar blip indicated an incoming, rapidly-descending object at approx. twenty-thousand feet approaching from the northwest. It didn’t respond to our inquiries on any hailing frequency, failed to identify itself and was heading right for the Eastern Seaboard at approx. Mach two. We only had a very narrow window in which to to react sir.”
“So I take it that you are assuming full responsibility for this fiasco MacMillan?”
Macmillan’s uncanny slight resemblance to Alfred E. Newman, the iconic character displayed on all Mad Magazine covers, didn’t exactly help his case was evident by the few muffled snickers from the security guards as he rose to answer the question.
“Yes I am sir! Full responsibility sir,” the young man responded nervously with a look of profound grief on his face. The tension of the situation had taken its toll and he had dark shadows under his eyes and a harassed look of utter exhaustion. The other three looked more or less the same but he seemed the most affected.
“Very well then, since you are, how do you propose we explain this garbage to the American public? Eh?”
“Well sir, the American public should understand that it is our duty to place their safety above all other considerations.”
“Under different circumstances, yes, of course, I agree. The American public is fairly reasonable. Especially with our young men in the armed services. They would understand and maybe even recommend that you receive a medal. Maybe even a ticker-tape parade. Even I would be patting you on the back right now for a job well done. But under these circumstances, I seriously doubt that you will gain much sympathy son. In fact, you're lucky they don’t string you up and hang you.”
“I was only doing my patriotic duty sir!” Macmillan replied on the verge of tears.
“Dam it son! Why didn’t you recommend an intercept to make visual contact instead? That could have avoided this embarrassing mess.”
“Well sir, that would have been gambling with the lives of the American citizens. The suspicious and potentially dangerous target could have taken evasive action. You know, used low altitude to confuse our radar-tracking. It also had supersonic capabilities sir, and its speed limit was unknown. It also moved in a strange way sir. A dangerous way.”
“Be specific! The more specific you are the less blame we will get. You were informed of that in your briefing. So don’t go brain-dead on me now.”
“Yes sir. Sorry sir. It seemed to lose altitude rapidly over populated areas, disappear from all radar detection and then reappear and resume its general trajectory. It had done this approx. five thousand times in its course from the northwest Alaska through Canada and had continued the same suspicious, evasive maneuvers over American soil sir."
“Suspicious maneuvers? Is that what you just said? Suspicious maneuvers?”
“Yes sir, suspicious maneuvers sir!”
“The question is why you still considered them suspicious maneuvers when reports from Canada had already identified the object which you so much suspected as an enemy aircraft as non-threatening. You see, I have been informed that you were indeed thoroughly apprised of these visual-confirmation reports-were you not?”
“Well sir, yes I was apprised sir. But those reports didn’t make any logical sense! Read the reports for yourself. They seemed like gibberish. Utter nonsense sir. Maybe even part of some ploy to get us to lower our guard sir.” Macmillan replied in a tone resembling a child pleading to be forgiven by a parent. "Unfortunately for you, the wreckage doesn’t show that the reports were nonsense.” the tactical Action Officer said while somberly looking at the written reports on his desk and then displaying a video taken of the wreckage found scattered all over a pasture in Montana. The place had been immediately cordoned off with electrified fences, national guard troops had been posted and surveillance helicopters patrolled the area to keep curious crowds at bay.
“Unfortunately true sir, and for that I sincerely apologize--”
“No Son, it isn’t to me you need to offer an apology for this. It' to the the whole world that you owe an apology, to all those kids who believed that Santa Clause existed and waited for his visits each year. Those are the ones that you need to apologize to for having shot Santa Clause down.
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Reviews
fraey wrote a review...To start off, I did not anticipate that being the ending, so good job on that note. I also like the distinction between the interrogator and the other soldiers, including the way he conducts himself. However, there are a few things I'd like to point out to you.
First off, the backstory in the first two paragraphs is useful but seems awkward, to me at least. I would rather the characters being up the previous events during their conversation instead, such as interjecting with "after all of these countries have come together, this is what you decide to do about it?"
This way, it seems to be more natural in providing information, without appearing like an info-dump. Additionally, you could start this with the interrogator's interjection, which may draw in readers more. If you wanted to, you could even have an opener of like a news show if you still wanted an intro like your original one.
Continuing on, I was surprised to see how much this story consisted of dialogue. While that's fine, I would have liked to see a little more insight into the other soldiers involved, besides the one who apparently launched the ICBM. I am a little confused as to why he wouldn't have conversed with the other soldiers mentioned in the interrogation room as well.
I did like the technical talk, since it made this story more genuine, but sometimes the dialogue was pretty bland, almost robotic. There were a couple cases of typos, which did throw me off a little bit. That also added to a stilted conversation at times.
The descriptions of the soldiers, especially in "The tension of the situation had taken its toll" kind of took away from the scene instead of adding to it. The reason being is because I was confused as to what the point-of-view was. Third-person, sort-of omniscient is fine, but I am very curious as to how this would be in first-person, whether it's from the interrogator's view, or the soldier's view.
Finally, I liked the twist at the end. However, that ending program seemed especially awkward, at least for someone to speak that way. I would recommend you look over this story and just pick out a few extra words that most people wouldn't talk with in person.
Overall, this was a neat idea, but there are a few improvements you can use to easily improve this! Hope this helped!
Radrook says...
Thanks for the review. I will carefully consider all the suggestions and try to improve the story based on them without going over the flash fiction limit of 1000 words.
fraey says...
You are welcome! I did forget the word limit, for which I apologize, but I do think you could tweak at least a couple of things will still keeping it under the limit. Good luck!
Radrook says...
You say the dialogue is stilted. Can you please provide an example.
fraey says...
For example, in "Well sir, the American public should understand that it is our duty to place their safety above all other considerations.
I get that the soldier is supposed to be practical and all that, but I feel like you could add in a little more personal choice of words to show his nervousness. If you don't see that then just ignore that part of my review XD.
Radrook says...
My inability to see it might be a flaw on my part. That's why I ask. Just seeking to improve my perception. Not because I am offended or annoyed. Kind regards and thanks for the help.
fraey says...
Ok thanks
. You're welcome and good luck with future writing!LadyOkra wrote a review...
The gravity of the situation could be seen in the way those accused of being responsible were treated.
"esponsible" should be "responsible". There are some missing quotation marks here and there at the end of dialogues, but that is not a jarring error so, one can overlook it.
Ok, now getting to the positives! The story is great! I loved the ending. I wasn't expecting it all.
The flow of the story is extremely good. The dialogues are really good and natural. I do like how you describe each little detail.Good job! Keep writing.
Cheer
Radrook says...
Thanks for the review and advice. Will fix. Good to hear that I didn't give away the ending. As I was writing it, I was aware that I needed to avoid that.