Is it really your fault?
Oct 5, 2023 5:50:08 GMT -5
Post by Radrook Admin on Oct 5, 2023 5:50:08 GMT -5
Is it really your fault?
Just recently I had this profound epiphany concerning my relationship with others which finally removed a great weight that I had been carrying on my shoulders for most of my life. That is the weight of feeling totally responsible for the negative way in which others were reacting to me.
It went something like this:
Gee! I must have done something to to deserve that? What the hell did I actually do this time? I usually concluded that if only I could avoid provoking people, then things would go much more smoothly.
Now, this tendency to blame myself for the attitude of others was deeply ingrained in me at an early age by Jehovah's Witnesses who never took responsibility for anything they did, but always claimed that the fault is on the one who feels offended, and never on the offender. Since I considered them holy people, the one to blame was always me-of course.
Fortunately and finally, yesterday, after a veritable lifetime of taking the blame for how other people were behaving towards me, I realized I had been wrong. Yes, I am to blame sometimes. However, not most the time. Most of the time, the nastiness I encounter has absolutely nothing to do with what I said or what I did. Instead, it has to do with character flaws and idiosyncrasies of the other persons themselves.
For example, certain people in the USA might get extremely angry at you just because you are Latino. What are you doing in their country? Why don't you go back across the border that they imagine you crossed on some homemade raft?
Or a female you encounter might be a man-hater, and your being male will instantly trigger her intense animosity. So she vents her hostility on you in order to vent some pent-up steam.
Or the person might be a religious fanatic like my aunt Felicita and my former foreman Colon, who felt it their religious obligation to persecute you based on differences of religion.
Or the person might feel envious for many a diverse reason. Why do you have a beautiful girlfriend while he doesn't? Why are you able to play the guitar when they can't?
Or the persons displaying the intense hostility might be listening to malicious gossip, might be under demonic control, or might be suffering from some mental illness, such as early-onset Alzheimer's, that seriously impedes their judgment.
The list is endless, and the manner of showing hostility can range from petty verbal expressions of hatred, to actual attempts at murder.
In short, no, it isn't always our fault when people snap at us, or give us the intense hate-look, or treat us without any respect. So constantly blaming ourselves as if it were is totally unnecessary and just plain stupid.
Gee! I must have done something to to deserve that? What the hell did I actually do this time? I usually concluded that if only I could avoid provoking people, then things would go much more smoothly.
Now, this tendency to blame myself for the attitude of others was deeply ingrained in me at an early age by Jehovah's Witnesses who never took responsibility for anything they did, but always claimed that the fault is on the one who feels offended, and never on the offender. Since I considered them holy people, the one to blame was always me-of course.
Fortunately and finally, yesterday, after a veritable lifetime of taking the blame for how other people were behaving towards me, I realized I had been wrong. Yes, I am to blame sometimes. However, not most the time. Most of the time, the nastiness I encounter has absolutely nothing to do with what I said or what I did. Instead, it has to do with character flaws and idiosyncrasies of the other persons themselves.
For example, certain people in the USA might get extremely angry at you just because you are Latino. What are you doing in their country? Why don't you go back across the border that they imagine you crossed on some homemade raft?
Or a female you encounter might be a man-hater, and your being male will instantly trigger her intense animosity. So she vents her hostility on you in order to vent some pent-up steam.
Or the person might be a religious fanatic like my aunt Felicita and my former foreman Colon, who felt it their religious obligation to persecute you based on differences of religion.
Or the person might feel envious for many a diverse reason. Why do you have a beautiful girlfriend while he doesn't? Why are you able to play the guitar when they can't?
Or the persons displaying the intense hostility might be listening to malicious gossip, might be under demonic control, or might be suffering from some mental illness, such as early-onset Alzheimer's, that seriously impedes their judgment.
The list is endless, and the manner of showing hostility can range from petty verbal expressions of hatred, to actual attempts at murder.
In short, no, it isn't always our fault when people snap at us, or give us the intense hate-look, or treat us without any respect. So constantly blaming ourselves as if it were is totally unnecessary and just plain stupid.