David Speaks of Goliath: Blank Verse by Radrook
Mar 26, 2020 4:32:41 GMT -5
Post by Radrook Admin on Mar 26, 2020 4:32:41 GMT -5
David Speaks of Goliath: Blank Verse
by Radrook
View Likes
January 17, 2018 Poetry: General, General 2 comments (2 reviews)
A buckler shield and spear were given me.
But I said “Sling and stone will be suffice.
Roaring lion once before them fell
when one cold night it tried my flock devour
and snarling bear they too made fall to earth
“Jehovah be with you.” King Saul had said.
and had me taken to the battle lines.
-
And there I stood alone amidst the ranks
of Israel’s warriors, uneasy men
holding onto weapons, full of fright
staring distantly into the hills
where someone called Goliath now approached
with massive head as if that of a bull,
A tree-like spear held in his massive hand
his legs two ponderous pillars to his god.
A voice that yelled defiance to the skies
A breath that swayed the the grass as the wind blows.
-
He snarled and laughed, and towards us he strode.
The warriors of Israel fled in fear.
I stood alone before his mocking gaze.
“Am I a dog to come to me with staves?"
He loudly laughed on catching sight of me.
Send forth a man and not some foolish boy
that I might use his flesh my dogs to feed.”
-
Twas then I prayed: “Lord of celestial lights,
O hurler of the planets and the stars,
bless this meager stone O mighty God,
to strike this boaster who defies your name.
Heed him Lord, for against thee now he speaks.
Heed his insolence O sovereign Lord.
For who is he that he should mock thee so?"
-
Then of itself my sling began to whirl,
blurring in my hand before my eyes
until the stone sped through the frigid air
to where Goliath stood in armor bright.
-
Philistine shield and spear he raised up high.
seeking to evade what he could see
or thought he saw that had been hurled by me.
Then cracking of the rock against a bone.
The sudden dropping of his spear and shield.
The stumbling about with rabid moans,
until he toppled like mighty tree,
like some gigantic cedar grown in Tyre.
He staggered forward, slammed into the ground,
screaming to his gods in disbelief
massive hand upon his shattered skull.
striving savagely to rise again,
but finally just moaning-lying still.
“Praise God ye people!” then I knelt and cried
“Praise Jehovah of the mighty arm.
For victory is ours by him today!”
---------------------------------
Blank Verse
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blank_vers
ShadowVyper wrote a review...
Hey Radrook,
Fellow blue team member here to rescue your poem from the Green Room. A quick disclaimer, I am not fantastic at poetry, so take anything I say with a grain of salt -- but I'll do my best to offer a helpful critique!
holding unto weapons, full of fright
Do you maybe mean holding "onto" weapons? It seems to be a better fit. I looked up the word unto to see usage, but Google is quite unhelpful in that concern, it turns out. I've just always heard unto used in a context like "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
A tree-like spear held in his massive hand
his legs two ponderous pillars to his god.
A voice that yelled defiance to the skies
A breath that swayed the the grass as the wind blows.
I really, really like this imagery. It's well done and really captures the imagination (and I think is a very fair representation of who Goliath was).
“Am I a dog to come to me with staves?"
Oh my gosh, the longer I read this poem the more I love it. You are doing a beautiful job of weaving Scripture into a wonderful line of verse. Such amazingness.
~ ~ ~
Wow. This was amazing. I don't have anything else to say about this poem. I really enjoyed the way you brought a Christian theme to your work, while keeping it fresh and exciting. I mean I already knew how this story was going to end, but you did such a fantastic job of weaving tension into this poem that made me want to keep reading. It really is a well-written piece and I am thoroughly impressed.
Keep writing!
~Shady 8)
Radrook says...
Thanks for the review. Much Appreciate it. I will fix that grammatical mistake.
www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/unto
Moalex wrote a review...
Hey there! Moalex here to review your poem on Goliath.
Let's be honest, there's really not much to review about a poem. Especially when it's a poem about David vs Goliath. I really liked your description when you describe Goliath's stature against David. Especially the sentence when Goliath says, "Send forth a man, not some foolish boy." That was like, trigger! It really told the story of the battle that went on.
Nothing really to say except nice job on the poem.
Good job! Keep writing!
Radrook says...
Thanks for the review. Much appreciated.
by Radrook
View Likes
January 17, 2018 Poetry: General, General 2 comments (2 reviews)
A buckler shield and spear were given me.
But I said “Sling and stone will be suffice.
Roaring lion once before them fell
when one cold night it tried my flock devour
and snarling bear they too made fall to earth
“Jehovah be with you.” King Saul had said.
and had me taken to the battle lines.
-
And there I stood alone amidst the ranks
of Israel’s warriors, uneasy men
holding onto weapons, full of fright
staring distantly into the hills
where someone called Goliath now approached
with massive head as if that of a bull,
A tree-like spear held in his massive hand
his legs two ponderous pillars to his god.
A voice that yelled defiance to the skies
A breath that swayed the the grass as the wind blows.
-
He snarled and laughed, and towards us he strode.
The warriors of Israel fled in fear.
I stood alone before his mocking gaze.
“Am I a dog to come to me with staves?"
He loudly laughed on catching sight of me.
Send forth a man and not some foolish boy
that I might use his flesh my dogs to feed.”
-
Twas then I prayed: “Lord of celestial lights,
O hurler of the planets and the stars,
bless this meager stone O mighty God,
to strike this boaster who defies your name.
Heed him Lord, for against thee now he speaks.
Heed his insolence O sovereign Lord.
For who is he that he should mock thee so?"
-
Then of itself my sling began to whirl,
blurring in my hand before my eyes
until the stone sped through the frigid air
to where Goliath stood in armor bright.
-
Philistine shield and spear he raised up high.
seeking to evade what he could see
or thought he saw that had been hurled by me.
Then cracking of the rock against a bone.
The sudden dropping of his spear and shield.
The stumbling about with rabid moans,
until he toppled like mighty tree,
like some gigantic cedar grown in Tyre.
He staggered forward, slammed into the ground,
screaming to his gods in disbelief
massive hand upon his shattered skull.
striving savagely to rise again,
but finally just moaning-lying still.
“Praise God ye people!” then I knelt and cried
“Praise Jehovah of the mighty arm.
For victory is ours by him today!”
---------------------------------
Blank Verse
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blank_vers
ShadowVyper wrote a review...
Hey Radrook,
Fellow blue team member here to rescue your poem from the Green Room. A quick disclaimer, I am not fantastic at poetry, so take anything I say with a grain of salt -- but I'll do my best to offer a helpful critique!
holding unto weapons, full of fright
Do you maybe mean holding "onto" weapons? It seems to be a better fit. I looked up the word unto to see usage, but Google is quite unhelpful in that concern, it turns out. I've just always heard unto used in a context like "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
A tree-like spear held in his massive hand
his legs two ponderous pillars to his god.
A voice that yelled defiance to the skies
A breath that swayed the the grass as the wind blows.
I really, really like this imagery. It's well done and really captures the imagination (and I think is a very fair representation of who Goliath was).
“Am I a dog to come to me with staves?"
Oh my gosh, the longer I read this poem the more I love it. You are doing a beautiful job of weaving Scripture into a wonderful line of verse. Such amazingness.
~ ~ ~
Wow. This was amazing. I don't have anything else to say about this poem. I really enjoyed the way you brought a Christian theme to your work, while keeping it fresh and exciting. I mean I already knew how this story was going to end, but you did such a fantastic job of weaving tension into this poem that made me want to keep reading. It really is a well-written piece and I am thoroughly impressed.
Keep writing!
~Shady 8)
Radrook says...
Thanks for the review. Much Appreciate it. I will fix that grammatical mistake.
www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/unto
Moalex wrote a review...
Hey there! Moalex here to review your poem on Goliath.
Let's be honest, there's really not much to review about a poem. Especially when it's a poem about David vs Goliath. I really liked your description when you describe Goliath's stature against David. Especially the sentence when Goliath says, "Send forth a man, not some foolish boy." That was like, trigger! It really told the story of the battle that went on.
Nothing really to say except nice job on the poem.
Good job! Keep writing!
Radrook says...
Thanks for the review. Much appreciated.