Naiwen’s Musings

     Piano? WOW! Wish I could play it. I do dabble in the keyboard now and then and play some songs but they are very basic versions of the originals. Had I started when very young then by now I would have a good grasp. But most of my time has been dedicated to the guitar.

     Glad to know that you are feeling more comfortable in social interactions. About socializing motives, well, as humans we are designed to need one another in order to enhance survival chances. As a group we can more easily defend against predators. We can also more easily bring down large prey for food. We can more easily survive illnesses by caring for one another. We can offer one another comfort when discouragement sets in.

     However, personal motives vary from person to person and situation to situation. For example, a thief might want to socialize in order to get inside information to make his theft easier. Become familiar with the target's schedule so he can attempt it when they aren't there. Another person might want to socialize because it enhances his chances for job promotion. So he becomes friendly with the boss or the boss's family. Others might be friendly because of fear. For example during Nazi Germany's time it wasn't wise to be unfriendly towards gestapo agents. Others might want to be friendly in order to get the message of salvation via Jesus' Ransom sacrifice across. Or socialization might be part of a job such as teaching and counselling and makes the job more effective. I mean., who wants to get counselled by an unfriendly counselor glaring angrily at us from behind a desK? Others are friendly because they feel it is the decent thing to do. They go by the biblical rule of do unto others as we would have them do unto us.


     One important thing to keep in mind is our inability to read minds. This inability will sometimes cause others to attempt to socialize with us because they are totally are unaware of the inner turmoil they are causing when they approach us. They don't realize that we would rather be left alone. For example, I once opened the door for this woman on crutches and she shouted that she could do it herself. My attempted to be helpful aroused feelings of inadequacy which she deeply resented. I realized this later and felt badly about not having had the insight needed to avoid hurting her feelings.

     That's why regardless of our good intentions, we have to be very careful lest we make someone uncomfortable unintentionally. For example, as a child in grade school, when I was in the second grade, I was part of a play which involved dancing a waltz to the song "As the Band Played On". The teacher assigned me to dance with the prettiest girl in the class on whom I had a very strong crush. It was to be in front of an auditorium full of visiting parents. Contrary to her expectations, instead of feeling glad, I became panicked because I didn't want to be the center of attention.

     Of course, the teacher had taken it for granted that I would be overjoyed. Probably had spied me looking longingly at the pretty Italian girl named Elaine during regular classes. But I wasn't was forced to in order to avoid the extreme anxiety that being the center of attention would inflict. So bailed out. The girl hated my guts because she considered it a rebuff. Far from true. I liked her very much. I just didn't want to be in front of an audience dancing. So since we can't read minds, unfortunately, we will annoy others with our attempts to socialize with them.